In Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man, the author, media personality, and stand-up comedian gets serious, sharing his wealth of knowledge, insight, and no-nonsense advice for every good woman who wants to find a good man or make her current love last. Think Like a Guy? News anchor Giuliana DePandi knows that if you want a little piece of his heart, you're going to have to learn to get into his head--and she shares her knowledge as an on-the-town dater in L.
DePandi knows what it's like "out there", and has done extensive field work to learn what turns guys off Here's a pop quiz: Should you The resounding answer to all the questions above, according to DePandi, is: NO! You should, in fact, be busy and breezy, offer to pay for dinner, leave short voicemails and none at all if you don't have anything concrete to say , stay well-dressed and -groomed, and make your guy feel like he's the first to introduce you to anything kinky in bed. Think Like a Guy is a hard-headed practical book for women who acknowledge that men and women simply think differently.
His success made me realize that there was something to this comedy thing—that I needed to set in place a long-term plan that would afford me the kind of life I could see was possible for a comedian. I wanted to get on television to provide a life- style for my family that would make them proud. I envisioned my life this way, and then created a plan for how I was going to get it.
But the point is, I had a long-term plan, with steps on how I was going to get there. Eventually, I reached those goals and then some. Now this one is a multiple-part question that sizes up how a man feels about a gamut of relationships—from how he feels about his parents and kids to his connection with God.
Do it before you kiss this man, maybe even before you agree to go on a date with him—this is a great phone conversation, for sure. What are his views on it? Does he want a family? How does he feel about children? Next, ask him about his relationship with his mother. We learn to protect her and provide for her; we learn about the basic core of love for a woman from her.
At any rate, ask questions about his relationship with his father, and his answers are bound to reveal the kind of father he just might turn out to be.
After all, what moral barometer does he answer to if not to God? If you have already had a sexual encounter with the man, you can ask these questions anyway.
But his answer will be critical because it will reveal to you what his plans for you are. You have a right to know.
This, you will be able to tell by his answers. Listen to his answer closely. So do the follow-ups. That was really nice. And so forth with whatever char- acteristic he attributes to you. And this is exactly where you want to be with this guy.
W e men are fully aware that we have to answer these ques- tions, and any real man is going to answer them. Maybe she might be the one to get me to the next level.
I was living in Cleveland, I had a two-bedroom apart- ment, brand spanking new. And I had a job at the Ford motor plant. They had a high hourly wage there, and overtime—more money than a man of my stature could dream of making. Thing is, you had to be on the job for a while to get them. You can get your eyes checked, no problem. Your hernia could bust and we will take care of you. Your whole family will be covered. And you know something? All of this made perfect sense to me.
I was being challenged to show everybody at the plant that I was serious, and ready and able to work hard for both the salary and the right to have them pay my medical and dental expenses—and as a man, I needed and wanted to prove that I was up for the challenge and worthy of the reward. I agreed percent with what the Ford Motor Company was saying to me, and so I signed on the dotted line. I wanted to be a part of the Ford family. Those are things that happen during the course of a budding relationship—you do special things for each other because you care.
And he could walk off the job at any time. A directive like that signals to a man that you are not a plaything—someone to be used and discarded. And you, in the meantime, win the ultimate prize of maintaining your dignity and self-esteem, and earning the respect of the man who recognized that you were worth the wait.
Most impor- tant, is this really a man with whom you can see yourself in a committed relationship? Or do you see signs that make your God-given intuition kick in? Give it at least ninety days, and you can smoke all of that out of him, so that you can be sure that this guy is the right man for you.
This is not a secret: men love and want sex, and will try within reason to get it by any means necessary. But guess what? The Power. The decision of when we get to kiss you is yours.
That decision is yours. We put our hands somewhere on your body other than your shoulder and you decide if we can keep touching that place or if we gotta let it go. Our job is to convince you to give it to us—to allow us to touch it, let us have it. But the decision on whether we actually get to have it is Y. Keep it. You only give up that power when the man has earned it, and he is going to respect it and do something with it. Women have crumbled empires with that power. Cleopatra helped destroy Rome.
You can hug, kiss, talk on the phone, go for a walk in the park, have an ice cream cone together, go out for dinner. Your time is a form of payment. The payment is incredible. You getting dressed up? Going out with us? Exchanging explicit e-mails? But if he wants to sleep with you—make babies and have a family? So get to it. Did he offer to get up an hour earlier so he could drive you to work while your car is in the shop?
Did he offer to get up under the hood and take a look himself? Or tell you about his friend who owns a car shop and might be willing to do a favor for him—and you?
Real men extend themselves to women they care about. Or your new man may give you suggestions for how to deal with the unwanted phone calls; he might tell you to block his number or put a special ring on the phone so you know who it is when the phone rings, maybe even give you a few words to say to this guy to make him stop calling.
Say you lose a loved one—someone really close to you. A man who has plans for you will immediately offer some form of comfort and help so that you can take the time to grieve. He might ask you if he can take your kids out for a couple of hours so you can have some time to yourself, or he might ask you if he can go with you to the funeral home to be with you while you see about the funeral arrangements, and so that he can ex- press his condolences to your family.
But a real man will respond with some kind of solution—he will do what he can to help you stop crying, because no man wants to see his woman crying. Then the relationship becomes about what you want—what your needs are.
Now, I realize that ninety days sounds like a lot of time and you kinda need to be real creative to keep his attention on you and your new relationship. So I came up with a list of things you can do with your man to help you—and him—stay focused on the relationship. Host a barbecue at your house and invite him to meet your friends and family; a good guy should be comfortable meeting the people you love.
Release your inner kid and spend an evening playing games at an arcade. Find a quiet place where you can watch the sunset together. Play a board game.
Go for a long walk under a starlit sky. Have a movie night in which you both bring your favorite DVDs. Challenge each other to do something silly, like build a sandcastle at the beach or a game of jacks or marbles. Stop right there. This is not a good situation, ladies. Not a good situ- ation at all.
In fact, the introduction is late—much too late. Note: Telling him you have kids is not good enough. And that will only make him more apprehensive about that initial meet- ing; in his mind, you will have elevated the get-together to the level of a G8 summit, giving the introduction way more power than it needs or deserves.
So, to avoid all of this, you need to get the kids in the game early; a natural, casual introduction early in the relationship will set all of you up for a much healthier connection. Let him see you and them in your natural setting—in a mother- child capacity.
And a guy wants to see that the potential mother of his children is at least decent at it, that she can be kind, compassionate, creative, and stern. He wants to see that you can handle matters without unravel- ing—that the stress that comes with marriage and family is something you can handle with decent skill—because the one thing we men do know is that marriage and family equals stress.
Walk him into your house, introduce him to little Taylor and Brianna, and then sit back and observe; you will get the purest and truest reaction from him when you do this.
After all, you want your potential man to be able to be, well, a man around your kids—someone who can take charge when the kids act like fools and they need a man to set them straight. Kids, after all, respect authority. Sure, how your kids feel about this guy should count for something, too. First off, how would a grown man look being scared off by a child? If he runs, let him.
And teenagers? The beauty of teenagers, though, is that they tend to make them- selves invisible. As a result, your new man might actually be able to focus on your relationship without the distraction of a misbehaving kid.
Women live under that fear because the men intent on playing the game tricked you into thinking this way; as long as you believe it, we get to keep the game alive until we get what we want, without any obligations. That, sweetheart, is a requirement. See what he says— what he does. Or put your son in a choke hold at the dinner table?
Be realistic: no man is going to walk in your house and abuse anyone with you sitting nearby. So a man with children from a previ- ous relationship recognizes he needs to ration out the female encounters with his kids if he wants to try to keep a modicum of peace with his ex and actually see his kids again. He tells you he likes kids, and actually would like to have one someday. He expresses interest in meeting your children. He shows up to the house with gifts—for the kids.
Of course, if he brings an Xbox for Mikey and disappears for a few hours, then that might be a problem. He lets the children see that he sincerely respects and likes and even loves their mother.
He makes a kid-friendly date with you and invites your children along. He takes you and the kids to church. He has a good job and a solid work history.
His nieces and nephews spend considerable time with him. He has younger siblings he helped care for when he was younger—and they made it through, unscathed.
He has a pet, and it actually gets fed and taken care of. He keeps his house clean and knows how to cook a few decent meals. He can and is willing to comfort your child when she hurts herself. He can get down and dirty with your children— squirting them with a water hose, shooting hoops at the park, getting buried in the sand at the beach—and like it. Our wardrobe would be pretty simple: sweats, T-shirts, and socks—maybe some sneakers if we absolutely had to go outside. This is all to say that men are very simple creatures who would be prone to doing some very simple things if not for the women in our lives.
Men go out and get jobs and hustle to make money because of women. We drive fancy cars because of women. We dress nice, put on cologne, get haircuts and try to look all shiny and new for you. We do all of this because the more our game is stepped up, the more of you we get. Whatever the case, we men are no longer connecting with that special part of you that makes you a woman—that thing that makes you so very beautiful to us, and that also happens to make us feel more like men.
What in the world do you need us for if you have all of that? You can have the Brinks alarm system, the guard dog, and the pistol, too. But if the man who is pursuing your affection is never allowed by you to exhibit his ability to provide or pro- tect, then how can he possibly see himself professing his love to a woman who has not allowed him to feel like a man?
His DNA will not allow for that. What will end up happening instead? When I was a young man, I was in a relationship with a woman who I thought I loved. And adversity will come. Those wedding vows they make you say? For better or for worse? Worse is coming. In sickness and in health? Somebody is going to get sick. For richer or for poorer? Some- body might end up broke, temporarily laid off.
Hard times will certainly come. The question is, how are you going to deal with it? This was made clear to a friend of mine one particular day when he went grocery shopping. His woman was loading up the cart with everything she needed for the house—the meats, the vegetables, the fruits, the drinks, and everything. And then they turned down the aisle with the pineapple juice. Who else in the world would have put a bottle of pineapple juice into their cart? She glanced at it, then gave him the eye, and pushed the grocery cart on—away from the mess and him.
Her actions were only going to drive him away. Not long after, he left her. And that is pretty much the reaction you can expect from men in similar situations where a woman makes more than her partner and she rubs that fact in his face. Will he be intimidated by your money and your success? Of course. But most of us grow out of this eventu- ally, and when we do, we recognize that a real man provides for the ones he loves.
Some men never come out of the ignorance and die fools—alone. We are trained to be providers for you, and you are trained to look for that in us. So the moment that order of things is thrown off, the relationship is out of sync.
And everyone involved is bound to get—and be—miserable. So how do we get through this situation? Just be a lady. So do you want a man or not? You can do this. But sit there and let him pick up that check. In the long run, being a girl allows you to relax. Why not take the opportunity to relax? Chasing behind children is not something I do.
Come on. Had that com- pliment not come through, I would have been salty about having to sit around with the kids all day when there were so many other things that I could have been doing—and wanted to do. That compliment, you see, made me remember why I was in the game, and especially why Marjorie is on the team. And the best way to appreciate him is by being a girl, and especially letting him be a man. He knows, too, what he needs: you. But your proposal never comes.
And so, you wait. And wait. And wait some more. In his 1 bestselling 'Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man,' Harvey gave women insight into how men really think about love, relationships, intimacy, and commitment.
In his new audio book, he zeros in on what motivates men, and provides tips on how women can use that knowledge to. At the beginning of each broadcast of his morning radio show, Steve Harvey offers his millions of listeners a few moments of spiritual advice to inspire and guide them. The first edition of the novel was published in January 1st , and was written by Steve Harvey.
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